


Trust Metric

by esteefee



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Ancient Devices, Bottom John Sheppard, Dildos, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Series, Rimming, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 15:56:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4752263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esteefee/pseuds/esteefee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Way to get whammied by the Ancient fertility device, John.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust Metric

**Author's Note:**

> Beta and porn cheerleader: Mischief5
> 
> Post-series. This is just an excuse for porn.

"Sheppard! Sheppard, let me in," Rodney yelled, pounding on the bathroom door at John's back.

John groaned and reached for his cock again. "That's a big no-can-do, buddy," he said. God, he was sore and wishing right about now for some of Rodney's ultra-fantastic homemade lube, because that stuff was like silk, and John had chafed his dick up pretty good the first two or three times, even after he made it back to the safety his quarters and started using the conditioner in his shower.

_Way to get whammied by the Ancient fertility device, John._

"If you don't let me in, I'm going to—"

"Huff and puff?" John laughed weakly. 

"Sheppard..." Rodney said, and, God, he must've pressed his mouth against the crack in the door, because John could practically feel it against the back of his neck. He shivered and squeezed the base of his dick. "Seriously, John, I can't believe you. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Remember when I got schwanged by that Atraushan beetle on...what was it? M9Q-618?"

"Yeah. Thanks for coining the word 'schwanged,' by the way. It's nice to have an easy term for the AAR. And it wasn't a beetle. It was a spider." John groped blindly for the tub of Vaseline and managed to scoop some more out before he had to, he just had to start jerking off again, because reading that report and imagining Rodney all panting and hot for it after being bitten by the spider had fueled some of the best fantasies John had ever had...until they'd finally gotten together and Rodney had shown him what a real fantasy was.

"It wasn't a beetle? Huh. A sex spider bit me. Call Peter Parker."

John stroked his cock silently, grimacing at the sandpaper feel of his callouses, but it was good, so good, too, with Rodney saying behind him, "Anyway, we're together now, which means I get to help out with all of your hard-ons. In fact, I'm feeling a little proprietary about them in general, which means no sharing them with other people—" 

John groaned softly.

"—and you have to let me help you with your multiple, insatiable erections when they crop up as a result of wacky Ancient technology. I'd call that fair, wouldn't you?"

But it wasn't fair, because John wasn't the one in control right now. His dick was in control. In fact, his dick was telling his hand to fuck it even though it hurt so very, very good. "I can't, Rodney."

"And why not?" Great. Now Rodney sounded hurt.

"Because," John said, panting, and then he was coming. His aching balls hadn't produced that much yet, just enough to dribble over his fingers, but God, it was a relief. He let his head thunk back against the door. "Because," he said finally, "I could hurt you. I'm not in control."

"Control, pish. You were in control enough to get back to your quarters and lock me out of the bathroom. Quite efficiently, I might add." There came a scraping noise, which John didn't like the sound of.

"Hey. No fair breaking in when a guy is all...schwanged and stuff."

"Oh, all right." 

John heard a slithering and then a thump, and he decided to join Rodney on the floor. Unlocking his knees took more effort than normal, though, and he ended up having to support himself on the sink, almost knocking over the Vaseline. 

"What's going on in there?" Rodney asked suspiciously.

"Nothing. 'S fine." John turned a little and pressed his cheek against the door. "Sorry about this." His balls were starting to tingle again, but it wasn't too bad yet.

"About what? That you don't trust me to help you with your hard-ons, or that we're missing out on some really hot sex using your new multi-orgasmic capabilities?"

"God. Rodney..." John ground his forehead back and forth against the cool metal. "I trust you. Geez, I trust you with my dick, don't I?"

After a moment, Rodney admitted, "That is pretty huge."

John snorted, and Rodney knocked on the door, startling him.

"No dick jokes! So what, I ask you, are you sorry about?" Rodney's diction was a little too crisp.

"I'm sorry 'cause, well, because..." There was a reason. A really good reason, too. "Because...you know. If I'm coming, it should be with you," John said softly, a little embarrassed. His dick was hard again, as if making the point for him.

"Oh. Well that's...kind of sweet, really."

"I thought so," John said.

"Except for the part where you aren't letting me help you come."

"Right now, I'm not sure anything could," John admitted.

"Ah. We've reached the chafing part of the evening. Am I right? It became a real problem for me after a while."

"Even with that super lube of yours?"

"Even so," Rodney said, "and despite my still having a foreskin, unlike many of you short-sighted Americans."

"They didn't stop to consult me, buddy," John said, looking down. He wasn't sure if he was talking to Rodney or his own sore dick. 

"So? Are you going to let me help you with your conundrum? I have been through this before. I might have an idea or two that might come in handy."

"Don't say 'hand,' and we might have a deal."

"I pinky swear."

John regarded the mess of Vaseline, conditioner, and jizz in his lap, and gave in. "All right. Fine. I'm just gonna wash my dick off first."

"You know what? I don't want to know." Now Rodney sounded purely amused.

"I'll be out in a sec." John pushed himself to his feet and stepped into the shower to turn on the water. He made it just a touch on the cool side—not too cool—and then stuck his pecker into the spray. The cool water made a soothing contrast to the heat of his sore flesh, but the gooey Vaseline-conditioner-come combo was going nowhere. John squeezed out some liquid soap and gingerly started to soap his entire crotch down. Tears sprang into his eyes when the soap hit his abraded dick.

"Fuck." He made the water even colder and that helped a little, but it just made it even harder to get the Vaseline off. The Vaseline had been a very bad, no good idea. Good for boot blisters, terrible for dicks. That was the verdict. 

By the time he was finished and had gently swaddled his tender dick in his softest towel and patted it dry, the very last thing he wanted was for Rodney to touch it. 

"Aren't you finished in there?" Rodney hollered. 

"I'm coming." Or maybe not, ever again, John thought, even though his balls had started tingling again. He stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, his torso still damp from his shower. At least he no longer had the uncomfortable sensation of Vaseline oozing around his ass crack. 

"Did you take a shower?" Rodney said as John walked in.

"Yeah." John's cock gave a painful twitch at the sight of Rodney sitting bare-chested on the bed, his raspberry red nipples standing at attention as usual. John wanted to go over and give them a tweak, make Rodney gasp, or give them a lick, see if he could start Rodney moaning like cat like he sometimes did when John sucked on them just right. 

"I can see what you're thinking," Rodney said, looking down at his chest with a half-smirk tugging on his lips. "It's painfully obvious." 

John came over and sat down next to Rodney on the bed, and loosened the towel so it didn't pull painfully against his dick. "Blame the whammy device," he said.

"I blame your nipple fetish." Rodney reached over and pinched John's left nipple in demonstration. The immediate tingle of pleasure made John suck in a breath. A moment later, his cock throbbed as it twitched against the rough towel, and he winced. 

"I can't," John said. "You wouldn't believe how sore I am."

Rodney chewed his lower lip. "First, you didn't want to hurt me; now, you think I'll hurt you. Is that it?" He frowned, his eyes dropping. "You know, I'm starting to get a complex here. That's what my mom used to call it: a 'complex.' But I guess that was shorthand for my dad making her feel like crap."

John's stomach dropped to around the vicinity of his knees. "Jeez, Rodney. I didn't mean _you'd_ hurt me. Do you remember how sore you were after you got schwanged? I just don't think I can do anything right now."

"So I'll do it," Rodney returned eagerly. "I mean, I'm chock full of ideas. You would not believe how many approaches I cooked up while you were wasting time in there." He rested his fingers on John's bare shoulder and drew them down toward John's wrist. John shivered. 

"Yeah, all right," John said, his voice low. Who was he kidding? His dick was dripping again even if it burned some. Just the touch and smell of Rodney near him was enough to make him hot. "Just don't let me do anything...wrong."

Rodney huffed and pushed John onto his back on his new wide, soft bed. "As if you could." He started to pull the towel from John's waist, but John pushed him over and pinned him down.

"Just one thing first," John said, and bent his head to suck Rodney's pert right nipple into his mouth. It was rigid against his tongue, and he lapped at it before trapping it between his teeth and tugging just the right amount, just enough to make Rodney groan and sink his fingers into John's hair and press down in a not-so-subtle plea for more. John grinned a secret grin and switched to the other nipple to suck and nibble until Rodney batted him away.

"Bastard," Rodney said, his face flushed and his eyes gleaming. "What is it with you and my nipples?"

John shrugged. "We have a relationship."

"I wish you'd let me in on it." Rodney's smirk warned him as he pushed John onto his side and then kissed him. It was almost too much; John could smell how turned on Rodney was, and having him so close, their chests rubbing together, Rodney's arms wrapped around him, his tongue shoving into John's mouth, was making John's arousal unbearable. He squirmed against Rodney, heard himself moaning wildly, and flushed hot with embarrassment. Usually he was a little more reserved, but he wanted Rodney so badly right now, Rodney's strong fingers roaming down his back and yanking his towel off finally, finally. Rodney grabbed John's ass with one hand and gave it a squeeze, and John groaned and pulled back to gasp for breath.

"Oh my God," Rodney said, his eyes feverishly bright. "You are so hot like this."

"What?" John felt dizzy and a little confused, to tell the truth. He wasn't sure anymore what he'd been worried about. He felt too weak to hurt a kitten. "I'm not going to hurt you," he reminded Rodney. It seemed important somehow. 

"Yes, I am aware," Rodney said, rolling John to the center of the bed. "And ditto." He tapped John's thigh, urging him to go to all fours, and then stuffed a pillow under John's groin, leaving his dick swinging free in the wind when he settled back down.

"Huh," John said, staring down at the bed. Rodney's hand swept up John's back, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. John moaned softly and turned his head to find Rodney smiling at him. "Giving my dick a rest?"

"Yup." 

And then Rodney's warm hands settled on John's back, pressing in, urging him to loosen up, relax. John tried, he really did, but it was hard to let go. Not that he thought Rodney would hurt him, not ever, but usually John liked to bend over Rodney and play with his pert little nips, suck marks into his chest and belly, and listen to his soft, greedy sounds of pleasure. It felt weird to be on the other side of it, but John's skin wasn't complaining, and if John felt a little uncomfortable, well. Rodney always expected the best from him. John liked it that way. Anyway, Rodney's fingers were strong and seemed to know every sweet spot along his spine and even the sensitive area at the back of his neck, the one that shivered with sensation when Rodney pushed against the growth pattern of his hair there.

"God, Rodney," John said, shoving his forehead into the bed and arching his neck. He wanted more, more of Rodney's hands on him, sliding down now, thumbs pressing into his lower spine while his fingers spanned out toward John's hips. 

"John," Rodney said, wonder in his voice, and John became hyperconscious of his naked ass, of the heat of Rodney's legs straddling his calves. John's dick was hard and throbbing with the pulse of his heart. Why had he resisted this before? Rodney wasn't going to hurt him. John slumped, letting the upper half of his body slide lower, his back relaxing and his ass rising up, aware as he did so how it had to look. He heard Rodney let out a soft groan, and then John turned his head when he smelled the familiar scent of coconut oil mixed with a very select blend of _"high quality, non-toxic secret ingredients. Seriously, Sheppard, I could make millions off this. You could eat this for breakfast every day; it's that safe."_

John smiled to himself and then startled a little when he felt Rodney's hands, slick with the lubricant, smoothing over his butt cheeks. John frowned.

"Cut it out; you don't want your face to freeze that way." Rodney sounded amused. John tossed him a mild glare over his shoulder, but he was really too turned on to retaliate, and then he groaned softly when Rodney's fingers slipped down his crack and stroked over his asshole. His cock jerked in reminder that he was on a clock here—there were imaginary Ancients he had to impregnate. John smirked to himself and then shivered when Rodney's fingers slipped around his hole.

"Fuck," John said. He shivered again, hard, when something warm and wet lapped at his left butt cheek. "Jesus! McKay..." 

"What?" Rodney mumbled. His lips were definitely pressed to John's ass, the scruff of his five o'clock shadow tingling against John's skin. "Don't pretend this isn't a total turn-on."

"No, I—" John shuddered hard at what Rodney was implying, because, yeah. One time, just once, this wild girl in Kunsan, some diplomat's daughter, but ever since, ever since, the whole thing had ranked as a top fantasy, something he only pulled out once in a while. "Seriously?" 

John tightened up at the idea, and Rodney squeezed his ass with both hands, saying, "Oh, that does very nice things to the view; you have no idea. You have these little divots here, for example—" Rodney stroked his fingers over the sides of John's hips, almost making him convulse.

"You're that ticklish?" Rodney said, his voice amused. "Well, don't get knotted up; you'll only make my job harder. And God knows I work hard enough."

John sighed. It was true. He shouldn't be making Rodney's life harder. Taking a deep breath, he made a conscious effort to relax, mumbling, "I'm sorry," into the bend of his arm.

"Oh my God," Rodney said, lifting his hands. "What guilt button have I pushed now? I swear to God, it's like playing Minesweeper with you, Sheppard."

"No, no, I just...I want it to be good with us," John said, pushed to honesty by the fond exasperation in Rodney's voice. 

"It's always good. Better than good, all right? We're just trying to set a new standard, here." Rodney's hands gentled over his ass cheeks. "We're always trying to raise the bar." The low rasp in Rodney's voice made the urgency of John's arousal jump up another notch, and he squirmed a little. 

"Jeez, Rodney, I need..." John cut himself off mid-whine when he felt Rodney rub the towel roughly over his ass.

"Yes, yes. Hang on tight." 

John squeezed his eyes shut and tried to ignore the hard ache in his balls while Rodney moved behind him. _Please, please, please,_ John thought, and then he stopped thinking, because he felt Rodney's hands spreading him and then something soft and warm and wet sliding up along the smooth spot behind his balls and then right over his hole.

The sound he made then wasn't really human.

He felt his face burn with embarrassment—it spread down his chest and up into his ear tips—but he couldn't give a damn, because Rodney's tongue was so soft and wet, stroking over him over and over, and John could hardly believe Rodney was doing this for him, but it was happening, it was real. The rough scruff of Rodney's jaw pressed hard against the tender insides of John's cheeks as Rodney huffed his breath against John's ass and then slowly pressed his tongue _inward_. John choked in a breath and clawed at the top of the bed. 

"Oh, oh, _God_ —" John's voice broke.

He felt a cool wisp of air and then Rodney said, "That is so fucking hot." And then Rodney's tongue was back, shoving inside him rudely. Rodney was fucking him, John realized. Rodney was fucking him with his tongue, again and again while he played with John's balls below. John heard himself sobbing softly and knew he'd lost all control. But somehow, it was okay, because Rodney had him covered. Rodney wanted him to lose it. John let go and felt his balls seize up, felt himself start to come. 

Rodney pulled away and said, "Yes, yes, that's it." His fingers slipped inside John's ass and fucked him slowly while John's cock spurted, and he moaned with relief. 

"Finally. My tongue was getting tired," Rodney said, sounding giddy.

"I can't believe you did that," John said faintly. His whole body was trembling in the aftermath, and he twisted his head to give Rodney a disbelieving look. 

"You'd be amazed by what I'm capable of," Rodney said. His cheeks were bright red with excitement and his hair was standing up in tufts. "Are you ready for me?" He spread his fingers inside John's ass, making John drop his head and groan. This whammy thing was for the birds. His balls were on fire, his dick was burning, but he still wanted it. He wanted more. He wanted Rodney's cock. 

"Yeah," John said. "I want it." 

Rodney squeezed his hip hard and then let go and pulled out. John waited out the condom thing and the lube thing, but his heart was pounding hard with anticipation.

"You're relaxed, remember?" Rodney said, and John bowed his head.

"It's always good," John said softly just as Rodney took him by the hips. 

"What?"

"With you. It's always good," John said. "I guess before it was a little like a conversation where I was the only one talking, though. So I'm sorry about that."

"Jesus, John." Rodney leaned over him and suddenly he was pressed up all along John's back. He kissed the back of John's neck and between his shoulders, and then his dick was pushing inside, spreading John wide and so perfectly, like Rodney was continuing the conversation with his cock. _I'm here. Feel me? This is us._

"Yeah," John answered. "Yeah, we're perfect." 

"John." Rodney hugged John's ribs, and then he started pumping his hips, and John couldn't—he couldn't take it, it was too good, and planted his teeth in his arm and started moaning, each thrust of Rodney's cock pushing out a breathy groan. Rodney fucked so beautifully. 

"We should do this more often, too," Rodney gasped, and John laughed breathlessly. No, he'd sleep for a week after this. But right now, he was loving it. He could take this for a long time, just take this beautiful fucking, Rodney's hips working his cock into John like a machine, his fingers gentle on John's hips, Rodney's moans turning him on. The lube was smooth as silk and the Ancient whammy had John revved so high he felt like he was flying; they hadn't paused down long enough to let him come down, and miracle of miracles he was close to coming again.

"You're good, this is so good," John said. 

Rodney murmured back how gorgeous John looked and how tight his ass felt, how badly he needed to come. "You don't know what you're doing to me," Rodney said, his voice shaking, and for some reason that made John's balls draw up again in warning. He was worried it would hurt this time; he hadn't come so often since he was a teenager. He only needed a little more to get over, but he seemed to be hovering right on the edge. "C'mon," he said to himself, gritting his teeth and arching his back.

"Let me just..." Rodney said, grabbing John's hips with strong hands and lifting him higher.

"God, yeah, perfect," John said. Rodney sped up, thrusting short and fast, and just like that, John went flying over. He might have yelled. He maybe even babbled in tongues, because it felt like his balls were turning inside out while his ass tried to squeeze the hell out of Rodney's cock. But he heard Rodney babbling too, and John laughed in relief. Together, they were together. John rested his head against the bed for a moment, his chest tight. Then he reached back and grabbed Rodney's hand, and Rodney rolled them both over onto their sides.

"Holy hell," Rodney said, sounding out of breath. He pulled away, and John grimaced momentarily at the sensation. 

"Yeah." John turned over and leaned in to kiss him.

"You don't want to do that," Rodney said, holding up a hand to block him.

"Fuck that," John said, giving him a dry kiss. 

Rodney smiled softly at him. He looked almost relieved. "Well?"

"Well." John cleared his throat. "We raised the bar, all right. In fact, I think you should work up a spreadsheet for, you know, what we do from now on. Mix it up."

"I'll develop an algorithm." The mocking was tone back.

John pointed. "Yeah, or one of those. Whatever. I trust you."

Rodney smiled so broadly his eyes squinted. "How's the schwang? Is it wearing off, or do you think you should go see Jennifer again and take her up on that medication she suggested?"

John suppressed a shudder. Jennifer had been a real peach about being consulted on her ex's new boyfriend's uncontrollable erection, but the side effects of the medication had sounded less than fun. He focused inwardly and frowned when he felt the buzz at the base of his dick. "Still there. Not as bad yet, but..."

"Hmmm." 

John plopped onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He still had the shakes from coming so hard. "That was the best sex I've ever had in my life. And that includes my very first blow-job."

"Same here. Except, of course, now I have to go gargle with Listerine." Rodney rolled out of bed and padded off to John's bathroom, leaving him laughing helplessly. 

"Second shelf on the right," John said when he could talk again. 

"Found it!!" 

John closed his eyes and started to drift while Rodney made bathroom noises and even, heh, started to hum while he gargled. John's dick was hard again, sure, but maybe he could ignore it and fall asleep, ignore the stirring in his balls. How much magical spunk could one guy produce in six hours, anyway? That was how long the schwang was supposed to last according to Zelenka's research. And boy, wasn't that a hoot: talking to Zelenka while sporting a hard-on big enough to swing a cat. There had been a certain gleam in Zelenka's eye that had made John a little suspicious. 

"Are you falling asleep?"

"Trying to," John said, cracking an eye open. "Pretty unlikely. Know any Ancients I can knock up so this will quit?"

Rodney scowled. Then he held up what looked like a slim black dildo wrapped in a condom. 

"Where the heck did you find that?" John said, a little intrigued.

"In your tac vest."

"What?" John sat up.

"It's your MagLite. I threw a couple of condoms on it. Should work nicely as a dildo." Rodney rocked back and forth on his toes, looking smug as all get out. As if he hadn't just offered to sodomize John with his own flashlight.

"Uh."

"What?" Rodney looked at it. "It's the perfect size, has a nice, wide base to prevent, um, you know, slipping inside. And it has a good texture with some useful irregularities..." Rodney ran his fingers up the side. "Should be very pleasurable for you, actually." 

John's cock twitched hard. 

Rodney smiled.

"Raising the bar, huh?" John said wryly, and bowed to the inevitable.

 

 

................................  
September 7, 2015  
San Francisco, CA


End file.
